


Reset, Repeat

by Mythyk



Series: The Way We've Written Ourselves [1]
Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half-Life VR but the AI is Self-Aware - Fandom
Genre: (no i didn't totally draw inspiration from human resources violation wdym), Canon Divergence, Gen, HLVRAI: Act 1, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Benrey (Half-Life), He/Him nb Bubby, He/Him pronouns for Gordon, He/It Pronouns for Tommy, Maybe this is Bubby perfecting his run, currently act 1: part 1 in progress, he/him pronouns for dr. coomer, how do i tag a story like this?, setting the scene, strange reality, the resonance cascade
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-24
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:55:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28294185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mythyk/pseuds/Mythyk
Summary: DisorientedSomehow, HLVRAI is starting again... but who's in it?
Relationships: Benrey & Gordon Freeman, Benrey & The Science Team (Half-Life), Gordan Freeman & The Science Team
Series: The Way We've Written Ourselves [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2072463
Kudos: 6





	1. At the Start

**Author's Note:**

> I've checked as best I can that this isn't confusing, since I've had a few conversations with others before posting this. (Thank you FoxtrotParadox on Discord for reading the first chapter-ish.)  
> This first "book" will be 3-5 chapters, I think, and somewhat match the first video (but there are absolutely deviations).  
> (Can't think of any cws, lmk if there's any I should mention)

“Where the…” the person in the HEV suit looked around, their voice revealing their confusion.

They stood in a blank room, dark metal flooring beneath them. It heard the hiss of pneumatics in a door behind them, so they spun around to see-

The lobby of Black Mesa’s Sector C. Anomalous materials.

“Oh,” it said. It swallowed for a moment, and walked forward. “I’m… wait, can I…?” they trailed off, looking down at their hand.

They fiddled around for a moment, and a holographic screen appeared near their right hand, showing an arsenal of weaponry. They didn’t draw anything, but it nodded as they looked through the options. Then they looked at the palm of their left hand for a moment; nothing happened.

“Okay, not streaming, uh… health?”

They flipped their outstretched hand over, and a strange, presumably-black and translucent rectangle hovered over it. It frowned, but otherwise ignored the holographic image. They’d figure it out later.

Then they tapped their chest, and the HEV suit’s voice stated, “User health: one-hundred percent. Power: twenty-five percent.”

“Alright, good to know, thank you,” it mumbled to itself as it began its journey forwards.

They hovered by the lobby desk, letting the NPC run the usual dialogue. They leaned on it, peering at the bluescreen that was showing on the old, 90s-style computer that the guard NPC was working on. Was the guard supposed to be Barney? It wasn’t sure. Maybe Barney was a character created after this game came out. Was it still a game they were in?

After the dialogue ended (the NPC mentioned something about being late, but it didn’t really matter, did it?), it walked down the hallway, following the yellow line to the lockers.

“Hello?”

They recognised that voice. They turned to see a scientist near the entrance to the break room.

“Hi,” it said, waving a hand in awkward greetings.

“My name’s Tommy,” the scientist smiled hesitantly, then stuck out his hand. “He/its pronouns.”

“Oh, uh-” it returned the handshake. “Gordon, he/ham- him, he/him. Nice to- nice to meet you, Tommy. You… Are you on break?” he asked, glancing towards the break room’s entrance.

“Yeah,” it replied. After a brief pause, he added, “I like to read the billboards there.”

“The- yeah, the billboards, nice to read,” Gordon chuckled, going along with the strange statement.

“Yeah, follow me!” the man had already begun to run towards the break room.

Gordon moved a bit quicker to catch up to it, to see it standing expectantly in front of a corkboard, littered in postings. Probably some OSHA regulations or updates to events in the facility, not that Gordon had any particular interest in finding out.

“The billboards…?” Gordon mumbled, looking at the utterly illegible papers. Maybe he needed to check his glasses. Or eyes. Or graphics settings. Was that a thing?

“Yeah!” he spoke enthusiastically. “Tell me what it says!”

“I can’t read it either, dude,” Gordon laughed. “Did they lower the quality when they were printing?” After a moment of standing there, he turned to Tommy. “Listen, I’m gonna- you gonna stay here?” he asked.

“Yeah,” he replied. “I’m on lunch break!”

“Okay.” He chuckled for a moment. “We’ll see- I’ll catch you later, Tommy.”

As he entered the hallway to continue on his way, Gordon heard the other scientist call after him, “I drink soda for lunch!”

“That you do,” Gordon mumbled to himself as he walked down the hall towards the lockers. “Why, though? Does it only drink soda? Does he even need to eat – well, consume – anything else?”

Gordon finally made it to the locker room, the door hissing open as he approached it.

He smiled, recognising the figure crouching by a locker near the entrance. “Hey Mr. Coomer,” he waved at the elderly scientist.

“Ah! Hello, Gordon!” The man sprang up, his voice full of cheer.

“How are you doin’ today?” Gordon started, while the other scientist declared:

“Another day, another dollar! Am I right? Ha, ha, ha!”

“Another day, another dollar,” Gordon chuckled. “That’s what we always say, here at Black Mesa.” His gaze slid away from Dr. Coomer for a moment, before refocusing and declaring, “I gotta head to the chamber, big test and all that. Y’know, the crystals.”

The scientist stepped to the side slightly as the physicist walked past, saying, “Good luck in the chamber!”

“Thanks, Dr. Coomer.”

Not-Gordon was glad it was already wearing the HEV suit. They looked over at the machinery stored in its tube. The equipment looked somewhat imposing, what with being put on what was essentially a pedestal. It also looked super complex to put on.

It went to Gordon’s locker, observing its contents. A battery for the suit was sitting there, so it took advantage of that to charge the suit (with a “Power: fifty-five percent,” stated by the suit) before heading off in the direction of the labs, a blue line on the wall as a guide.

Gordon walked quickly through the halls, anticipation for what was to happen building with his stride.

“Hey. Howdy,” he greeted other staff in the hallways, waving as he walked past a security guard.

A voice called out behind him with a simple, “Hey.”

Oh. Not-Gordon knew that voice. They had almost forgotten – wait, how could they have forgotten the guard showed up here? It turned around, ready to say something, but was interrupted with-

“Can I see your passport?”

“My- my passport?” it sputtered. “Wh- you mean, like a company ID?”

The guard looked at Gordon for a moment, and it felt like he was being analyzed. Or maybe like a prey. Then the guard walked over to the other one standing next to the machine to unlock the door and whispered, “He doesn’t have his passport.”

Gordon couldn’t help the wheezy laugh that escaped his lips, surprised by the absolute stage-whisper the other possessed.

“Yeah, he’s telling me that you’re not allowed in here,” the guard strolled back up, a bit to close to the physicist for comfort. Close enough that Gordon noted that they had grey eyes.

“I don’t- I don’t have a passport! I have, I have…” Gordon patted at the HEV suit, before trailing off and just looking at the other.

The guard seemed to have other ideas, though, turning back and saying, “Look at- look at how upset he’s getting- look at his fists, they’re balled. He wants to beat you up so bad,” pointing at said npc’s hands, causing Gordon to weakly laugh again. “I’m gonna have to protect you, I’m gonna have to protect you from him.”

“Ok?” Gordon looked at them, incredulous. Vaguely, Not-Gordon thought it almost sounded like they were working off a script. “Look man, I-”

But they were on a small ramble, completely ignoring the attempt at talking. “I’m gonna have to follow you around and protect you from him.”

“I- I really don’t- I don’t need your protection,” Gordon managed to get out between laughs.

Benrey, on the other hand, continued, “I’m gonna give you- he’s so upset right now. Imjustgonna-” Despite a short glance at Gordon, he returned to paying attention to the other guard, saying, “Uh, hold on, I need to- I need to soothe him. I’m gonna calm him down,” and the sound of singing filled the hallway as blue orbs left their mouth, hitting the other guard in the face.

It looked ridiculous. Gordon bent slightly, a loud laugh escaping his lips.

Benrey said, “I’m gonna-” at the same time Gordon questioned, “Did you just-”

“Wh-huh?” the guard turned to look at Gordon again.

“You- okay, okay, I’m gonna- uh…” his eyes drifted over to the other guard, who was watching the conversation unfold. “You said you had to follow me? Cuz, I’m definitely running behind schedule right now…” Gordon took a step back towards the door.

“Huh, yeah, uh… gotta make sure you aren’t- uh,” the guard seemed to be thinking on the spot for an excuse, “aren’t gonna steal anything. Gonna steal something?”

“No, no I’m not-”

“Yeah I bet you will,” the guard declared quickly, the words rushing out to interrupt Gordon’s.

Gordon shook his head with a sigh, unsure whether to be amused or annoyed, as he walked through the doors, the guard following way too close behind. “Look, Benry, I-”

“How do you know my name?”

There was a solid pause as the doors hissed closed, but they continued walking. Gordon opened his mouth multiple times, trying and failing to come up with a response. They made it to the elevator, and Gordon pressed the button to call it, still without a word uttered. He frowned, pushing his glasses up and rubbing the space they rested on. The physicist looked up again, studying the guard.

Gordon attempted to step onto the elevator.

Benrey stood in the way. “Can I see your ID?” he stepped slightly closer into Gordon’s personal space as they spoke. “Can’t let you go any further without ID. You got permission to go on the lift?”

“Look man, I’m thinking, okay?” he said, frustration clear in his voice. He stopped, sighing, before adding, “Let’s keep making our way towards the test while I try and figure out how to approach this. And I’ve probably got ID _somewhere_ , even though I’m already wearing the HEV – _company gear_ ,” he emphasized.

Gordon gently pushed the guard back, creating enough room to slip by and get on the elevator. Naturally, they followed him. Again, Gordon studied Benrey, weighing his options. Finally, he spoke.

“Do you… Does this feel, at all, like déjà vu? But… worse? Off?”

The guard’s face slackened in surprise. The elevator reached the bottom, but neither moved to leave.

“Let me introduce myself, then,” he said, stepping forward a bit. “Gordon, he/hit- _him_ , why do I keep doing that, and also… Not, Gordon, they/it,” they extended their hand.

Benrey carefully took their hand and shook it, responding with, “Benry, he/they, and not… they/them.”

Not-Gordon let its hand drop from the handshake, and nodded. “Nice to meet you, I guess. So, uh, I guess since you also know what’s gonna happen… any ideas?”

Without hesitation, Not-Benry stated, “Do it again.”

“What?” Not-Gordon looked at them, incredulous. “Really?”

“Yeah man,” they shrugged dismissively, glancing to the side, “it’s gotta happen. Ain’t no way around it.”

They held up their hands, shaking its head as it thought. “Wait, what… what… _perspective_ do you have on this?”

“Uh… that it’s real to the characters? Real world eldritch alien stuff?” they tilted their head to the side, unintentionally accentuating the odd shadow that lay across half their face.

“Ah.” Not-Gordon slumped back slightly, running a hand over its hair. “I… I think it might be a game for me? But it does feel pretty real right now…”

“Assume it’s real and don’t die.”

“Yeah, sure,” it shrugged, letting out a rush of air. Then they smiled, a glint in their eyes as they gestured for Not-Benrey to follow. “Well then, let’s go. We’ve got a huge mistake to make.”

\---

Gordon trotted down the hall, turning around as a guard unlocked a door to see Benry following him into the next room.

“Well, they let me in, seems like they know me,” Gordon raised an eyebrow.

A slight smirk forming on his face, Benrey replied with, “They let you in cuz they’re too busy thinkin’ about Froot Loops.”

“Froot Loops?” the physicist did his best to suppress his laughter. “I’m sure they had their breakfast.”

“Froot Loops,” Benry repeated, almost insistently.

“Sure, bud,” Gordon chuckled, patting their shoulder. “Froot Loops.”

“Sir, Sir! Sir, excuse me, sir!” A voice came from further in the room. Said voice belonged to an older-looking scientist marching over towards Benrey, his focus completely on him.

Gordon took a step back in surprise, making room for the other to confront the security guard.

“You can’t be down here,” he stated. “You don’t have a ‘Hazard Suit.’”

“Well… he does have his ID,” Gordon shrugged, watching his reaction carefully.

He looked at Gordon for a few seconds, gaze obscured by thick glasses. “Oh, alright,” he shrugged, running off again, rules left unbroken.

Gordon stared for a moment, blinking, before stating, “Huh, that worked.”

“See what happens when you bring your ID and your Pass Port?” the grin on Benry’s face was smug, a mischievous glint in their eyes.

“Sh!” Gordon scrambled, “I don’t want-”

“Does he not have his passport?” Bubby called from across the room.

Gordon gaped slightly. How _did_ that scientist even hear Benrey from so far away?

“Oh yeah,” Benrey raised their monotone voice as he replied, “it all checks out, man.”

The physicist made a small noise of confusion, looking back at the security guard. They had been hounding him for the identification earlier, though?

“Just making sure everybody else is,” Benry continued, smacking their lips, “following procedure. Yup. Do you have your passport?”

“YES!” he sounded offended by the mere idea of not possessing a passport. “Of course I have my passport!”

“Cool, okay,” Gordon replied, as the scientist stalked off again.

But he wasn’t gone for long, as a section of computers in a room Benrey and Gordon walked into blew up, and a group of scientists hurried over to (probably, hopefully) fix it.

“Oh, that can’t be good…” he observed.

“I found the bug!” the scientist from earlier called out. “I’m gonna need a wrench in here!”

Gordon, baffled, looked into the blown-open hole to see the scientist crouching inside the machine, lit up by sparks of electricity. “How did you even get in there?” he asked.

“Shut- what is your problem?” his expression was obscured by the thick glasses, but the annoyance was clear enough in his voice to compensate for a lack of facial cues.

The physicist shook his head, accepting the situation as it was. No need to ask more questions. He said, “Yeah, okay, man in-”

“Doctor,” the scientist corrected him.

“-doctor in the machine,” Gordon amended.

“Hey man, maybe you should-” Benrey stated, “you should go do your job. Stop slacking off, man.”

“Are you even doing your job?” Gordon wondered as he headed back on route to the test chamber. “Thought guards had like, specific places they were supposed to stay.”

“Yeah well, someone’s gotta make sure you’re doing your job,” he shrugged, nonchalant as he waited for Gordon to catch up to him.

“Mhm,” he raised an eyebrow, unamused. “I’m making sure I’m doing my job.”

“You’re pretty bad at it, bro. Arrived late, now you’re messing it all up,” the guard accused him.

“Whatever, man, let’s go,” Gordon put a hand on Benry’s shoulder, guiding him along until the guard shrugged it off.

They had a Resonance Cascade waiting for them.


	2. Back at it Again/The Resonance Cascade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Resonance Cascade doesn’t quite occur as expected, and yet, hardly changes the circumstances.  
> CW: Falling, Mentions of injuries (end note for the specifics)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2: the big event! Could also call it "the real start" to everything...  
> (Couldn't decide which title was better to this chapter so it has both.)  
> I think I got a little dialogue-heavy towards the end? Just if you want to know. But establishing the characters a bit more solidly as I work along is fun

“Okay so this is the test chamber. Do you _really_ want to go any farther?” Gordon stood in the doorway to the chamber right before the test chamber itself. He looked at the guard, waiting for a response.

Benrey looked at the sign for the chamber, off to Gordon’s left, before returning to standing in front of the physicist. “There are no- there are no. Predetermined deaths,” they said, though they made no move to enter the room with the man.

“Yeah, alright. Okay,” he shrugged, shaking his head as the door hissed shut, Benry still on the other side.

Gordon turned his attention to the two scientists that had been waiting for him, listening to them talk. Something about it being important that this test goes well.

“Yeah, this is quite an important test. Couldn’t delay it for the risks?” he asked. “Probably would’ve been better you know-” the scientists turned to open the door, not even acknowledging Gordon. “And you’re not even listening to me,” he sighed. “Typical isn’t it.”

The large door of the airlock opened, revealing the test chamber, and Benry.

“Well. Hello there. Again,” Gordon chuckled.

The guard looked spaced out, looking somewhere to the left of the door before they turned and flashed a smile in Gordon’s direction. The guy seemed pretty proud of themself; maybe it was Not-Benry being proud of having noclipped?

While Not-Gordon was on this train of thought, Benrey turned around, towards where the three scientists were situated, and bellowed out a very loud, “TOMMY,” somehow sounding like it was through a mic, and messing up the audio output.

Gordon chuckled for a moment, running through some banter with the other people. However, he turned to Benrey, drawing close to them and putting a hand on their shoulder to get their attention.

“Are you still sure about this?” Not-Gordon asked, hoping that no one could overhear, irrationally fearing some supernatural ability between the lot of them that they could all hear each other no matter what. “Since, well…”

“Yeah man, it’s chill bro,” they replied. “Got epic gamer strats, get goin’.”

While shaking his head, Gordon made his way towards the ladder up to the control panel. Benry continued to explore the test chamber.

“Gordon, let’s get a move on,” the only scientist on the microphone called out.

“I know, I know, I’m going!” he yelled, pulling himself up the ladder as he spoke.

Gordon quickly turned on the machine, flicking the switch, and watched as Benry leaned against the wall beneath the observation room. Out of sight of the scientists, likely. His attention was drawn away as he noticed smoke coming from the machine.

“The smoke’s normal, right?” he called out, looking towards the observation area.

“Well you’re not supposed to smoke in the test chamber, Gordon!” Dr. Coomer remarked.

“No, we’re not smoking! Could you, can you guys talk on the mic like that guy?” he waved his arm around to indicate the speaker system in the room. “Like use the intercom. You have that for a reason!”

Bubby yelled something in response, but Gordon couldn’t make out what it was.

“I can’t hear you!” he yelled, gesturing as much.

He could just barely make out Dr. Coomer’s response from across the chamber. “They only gave us enough budget for one microphone, Gordon!” he explained.

Gordon shook his head, making his way over to the ladder to get to the sample in the cart and mess things up. About halfway down, he glanced back as one of the scientists was talking, but his attention was immediately turned to what Benry was doing.

They had their hands already holding onto the cart, and Gordon only had a second to process this before they had run the cart straight into the beam, causing the entire system to go unstable.

The fear that coursed through Not-Gordon as it watched the cascade start tore the only name they could think of from its throat.

“ _BENREY!_ ”

A bolt of energy hit a support the platform rested on, and the jolt made Gordon’s knees buckle, his grip slipping from the rungs of the ladder as the shock ran through him.

And he fell.

\---

Gordon realised he must have blacked out simply because he regained consciousness, with a pounding feeling in his head. He groaned, his hand moving up to try and alleviate the pain. Another hand grabbed his wrist, though, and he became aware of a weight pressing down on top of him.

“Yeah bud, you might not wanna touch your head right now,” a voice above him stated, monotone.

“Hh?” he squinted his eyes open, seeing the silhouette of a person over him, but the light hurt his eyes enough he had to close them again.

“No passing out again bro,” the voice said. Gordon’s brain finally caught up to the situation, and he realised it was Benry that was talking.

“’M not,” he groaned, turning his head to the side in discomfort. “Light hurts. Gordon hurt.”

A monotone note rang out, causing Gordon to wince before the feeling of mint – a cold, not-quite-burning sensation – covered the side of his head, the pain gradually fading away. He felt his muscles relax slightly, no longer fighting against pain to function.

“Open eyes please? Eyes open?”

He obliged slowly, testing the brightness of the room before fully opening his eyes and taking in the carnage around them. It looked like a piece of the ceiling had fallen to block the only entrance in the room. Maybe that was the purpose of emergency exits. Or more than one entrance into any given room.

Benry was still sitting on him, eyes glowing a green and blue-ish colour as they watched Gordon, likely trying to evaluate how hurt or un-hurt he was. Though it almost looked like a predator studying its captured prey.

Gordon had no idea where that comparison came from.

“Why-” he coughed, swallowing and trying to fix the dusty feeling in his throat. “Why are you sitting on me?”

“Gotta make sure lil’ uh- clumsy boy here isn’t gonna die so quickly.”

“Well, it seems your, uh, heal thing fixed my headache. Or maybe it was a concussion. I’m not a medical expert.”

He reached his hand up again to feel where there had likely been an injury previously, and Benrey didn’t stop him. Instead of skin, there was a sticky feeling. Frowning, he pulled his hand away to see what looked like some residual sweet voice slowly dissolving on his fingers, mixed with some of his blood that stayed behind.

After a second, Gordon looked back at Benrey, who still hadn’t moved. “Can you get off of me?” he asked.

“Hm…” the guard seemed to think. “No.”

“Why?” Gordon huffed, annoyed. He attempted to shove the other, doing his best to sit up. “Get off!”

“Wow, Gordon, uh- Gordon Rudeman over here. So rude,” Benry remarked. However, the guard did get up, standing over the still-struggling man.

“Yeah, well,” he grunted, finally standing up. “You’re also rude, getting in other people’s business.” He attempted to walk towards the exit, which promptly led to his leg buckling from beneath him, slamming into the ground as he uttered a curse.

“What’s up, uh, leg didn’t load correctly?”

“Well, it _hurts_ , I know that much,” he attempted to stand again anyways. “Can’t even tell _what_ hurts.” He carefully tested his leg before attempting to take a step again, and even then, he was well aware of a prominent limp that Benry likely saw.

Benrey’s tone changed, and they asked, “Can you like, not walk for a minute? Sit back down?”

Gordon looked back, annoyance on his face. “Well, maybe once we find everybody we can slow down, but I’d like to know that they’re still alive and not in danger!”

“N-G. Sit down.”

Gordon tilted his head to the side. “Enji?”

“Not-Gordon,” Not-Benrey sighed. “You got a better idea, considering we don’t know each others’ names?”

“…” Not-Gordon looked at them for a moment, before shrugging. “Guess not.”

“Sit down.”

Not-Gordon obliged. However, he still asked, “You sure the others’ll be okay?”

“This place probably still runs on game logic,” Not-Benry suggested, “or at least whatever the plot line was before. With the exception of me.”

“True,” Not-Gordon relented. “But doesn’t your exception-”

“Shut up.”

Not-Gordon’s jaw clicked shut.

Satisfied that it wouldn’t ask any more questions, Not-Benrey sang a line of teal and green sweet voice onto Not-Gordon’s injured leg. The mint sensation was relieving, but it could still feel the injury beneath all the numbing.

“Better?” Not-Benry looked up at it, a simple, open question.

“I… guess?” they hesitated.

“Are you healed or not,” they said with a flat tone, waiting for a clear answer.

“Maybe?” it made a face, uncertain. “I _think_ I still feel it…” But it should be healed, with the sweet voice, right? It thought that was how it worked. It did that on its face. “I’ll be fine.”

Not-Benrey glared at its shin.

“C’mon man, let’s get moving,” it moved to stand up, but waited for their response.

“Fine,” they sighed, getting up and moving ahead.

Time to find the others.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW: Head and leg injuries mentioned, not overly described (correct me if that's wrong), falling off a ladder (due to the ResCas)
> 
> \---
> 
> Just as an ahead-of-time mention, updates here are going to be slower. I haven't finished the next chapter for this, and I'm gonna be getting busy again. Hopefully it won't be too sparse!  
> Or, perhaps if you're interested, I can post the oneshots set later in this timeline/series? They're around Act 3 canon-time-wise, if you'd like to read those.
> 
> If you're also reading "(If) You Were Real," it's still going to be updating consistently (so long as I remember) since a lot is pre-written :>

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, feel free to drop a kudos/comment!
> 
> Hopefully this'll have a relatively regular update schedule (something like every other week), I've got the next chapter written and I'm working on the third right now. I also have plenty of "later" pieces of the story written, so I might upload the different books a little out of order, depending on what you guys would like.


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